Friday, November 26, 2010
Essay 2
All this time off from class due to weather and holidays has given me a chance to focus on the essay. It is not the hardest paper I have ever written, but right now my essay seems to be in good shape, and I'm not sure if it's too long or not. Another aspect I am not sure about is if I have enough structure to relate Kathleen West's article to the identity of my blogger. Some possible feedback I may need to form the best possible essay has to relate to my grammer, quotations, and if my essay can relate to West's article. I also tend to have repetative word choice in my writing and I want to be sure that my essay doesn't say the same thing more than it needs to. I feel that my essay isn't too far off track, but with feedback I can be sure whether my research has been affective and my paper complete.
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Where kinda in the same boat we both aren't sure if we are on the same track with using West's framework either. From what I read your doing a good job and your relating everything great to her article. When incorporating the article in your essay it seems like we are exactly on the same track and thats good to see, keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteOkay, I just read your essay, and I see where you are coming from. The first thing I want to say is that when you are citing West, I think you ought to cite which page you are quoting, because if I were to go and look at West's article, then I would want to know where exactly the quote in question has to be without having to scroll and search through the article, so at least include the page number the quote is from. The rest of your citings look good, so that's awesome to see.
ReplyDeleteAnother big thing that came to mind was that I have to say that some of your paragraphs are indeed pretty long. I'm sorry to say it, but it is true man. Is it possible if you can try and take these long paragraphs, in particular the ones on pages 3 and 4. But, I think if any paragraphs overall have to be shortened into smaller ones for sure, one big one HAS to be the introductory paragraph you have, because its almost a page long. Its like you go straight into the analysis and research when you should be just addressing what you are going to do with the rest of the paper (your argument).
Well, this is what I saw mainly from looking at your paper, and overall it is very well done. I'm serious Josh, its a good paper, just needs a little work, and I see where Kevin's view is coming from in the comment above. Keep going with the work you are doing man, it looks great!